Monday, March 30, 2009

Cuddle Parties

What is a Cuddle Party? And why go to one?

Last Saturday night, I went to a cuddle party. I heard about it from my friend, Scott. I've known Scott for about 20 years now. He is a massage therapist, and I trust him to lead me into wonderful, healing, safe places.

So I went with my husband. It was an experience.

A cuddle party is a safe place to explore nonsexual touch and boundary setting. The premise is: many of us are starved for touch, particularly touch that is purely nonsexual and not just in the context of an intimate relationship. Some of us, unfortunately, have also had our boundaries violated when it comes to touch...in the form of sexual abuse, domestic violence or the like. So touch can be a threatening thing.

At a cuddle party, the cuddle party facilitator starts by setting the RULES. The rules are:

1. No means no. And NO is a complete sentence.
2. Yes means Yes.
3. (MAYBE is better off a NO because it gives a clearer message and discourages the requester to request again).
4. We are all responsible for our own emotions and taking care of ourselves if we get a NO. We will survive a NO.
5. Requests for touch (i.e cuddling, holding, massaging) need to be specific.
6. When we've had enough cuddling, all you have to say is "Thank You" and move on.

After the rules are laid out, the cuddling commences. The party we went to was gender balanced. It took place in a beautiful apartment on the Upper West side of Manhattan and the room had foam covered with blankets all over the floor. Refreshments were served, and the host was a middle-aged woman, who was warm, sweet and well-spoken.

Basically what happened next was people who wanted to cuddle you would ask to do so. And you would agree or not. There was spooning, massaging, hugging, and some stroking (of nonsexual areas)going on all over the place.

I am not going to say that it was all easy and fun, however. Challenging yourself to an experience like this, where your ego is on the line, can be a bit frightening. What if no one wants to cuddle you? Well, that didn't happen, but if it did, what then? Well, one thing you learn at this event, is: you will be alright. The facilitator gave an example of a little kid with a new tricycle riding all around a playground asking his friends if they want a ride on the back. The little boy is pure joy and happiness and as he asks his buddies to ride, the first few say No. They're doing something else--like jump-rope or video games. But the little boy is unperturbed. He doesn't wonder: Is it me? Is it my tricycle? Something not good enough? It's not about that. It's about the fun and joy.

As adults, we lose this fun-filled free-spiritedness of giving and receiving without expectation along the way. A cuddle party is possibly one way, although quite an unusual one, to explore the possibility of giving and receiving without fear. It is also an opportunity to heal--perhaps from abuse, trauma or codependency. If you are interested in this experience, check out the link below. Happy Cuddling.

http://cuddleparty.com/

No comments:

About Me

My photo
Port Jefferson, New York, United States
Heart Centered Psychotherapist
(631) 875-9911
Out of your yearning for comfort, strength and growth, you may choose to let another offer you support and assistance. In my work as a supportive counselor, I offer you a growth-promoting climate. This is a climate where you will develop a deep trust in yourself, other individuals, and in your family or community group.
I believe people have the capacity to explore and understand themselves and their joys and pains. I believe that we all need to give ourselves permission to explore... to come to unity with ourselves, our beliefs and goals. I offer you a HEART-CENTERED approach to counseling that is compassionate and responsive to your PERSONAL NEEDS.
My commitment is to hear from the heart, to listen with a clear, open mind, creating the space for you to be wholly who you are, and as I hear into your pain, your joy, or your confusion... and you feel truly heard.., together, we will discover what help you require, what serves you.