Trust

We all seem to want to trust people. Some of us do more than others.
Some of us can be very untrusting, in fact, especially if we've had unfortunate life experiences that didn't help develop our sense of trust.

So we may hold back trust. And we may feel alone and a lack of connection if we don't trust.

So how do we deal with trust in Recovery?

Let's separate two types of trust:
1. Trust in Others
2. Trust in the Self

You may have learned that some people can't be trusted. Maybe, you were hurt or abused. This was your experience and it is real. Don't deny it. You were dealt a difficult learning experience, and you have a hard time trusting. That's okay. So part of your recovery may be learning to differentiate "trustworthy" people from "untrustworthy" ones. And there is a difference!

You can do this! You can learn how to wisely choose your associates. You can acknowledge that there are certain signs that a person may not be capable of being a trustworthy friend. For instance,...if he/she has a drug problem, if he/she acts out violently, chances are, they will disappoint you.

Not surprisingly, trust in the self and trust in others go hand in hand.

Better choices. Better trust in the self. Better trust in the self, better choices.

But wait...is there something else we can do to build a deep trust in ourselves and others?

Yes, there is. We can begin to connect to that place inside of us and inside of others that holds our strength and potential and our common thread. You have it. I have it. Others have it, too. I like to think of it as the place of love, of our humanity. We are all human. We all make mistakes. True, some more than others. But even if we can't trust someone due to obvious reasons, we can still trust our shared humanity.

Meditation and the Self

Tonight, I led a meditation group. After the meditation, we began to speak about the self. What is the self? Who am I? I knew this would be a difficult question. I certainly didn't know the answer, but wanted to hear everyone's truth. I do know, however, that in a deep state of relaxation, when all the "noise" is quieted somewhat, we're more likely to find ourselves, experience ourselves, know ourselves perhaps.....

So the answers varied. Some people seemed to have a very good idea, while others were more confused.

I liked that.
There really is no "right answer."

In many of the guided meditations I lead; I say "You are not the body, you are not the mind, you are not the intellect, you are not ego. You are something far greater, a divine child from an almighty source. Perfection, waiting to be realized. Realize it now." An incredible yoga teacher of mine would say that in her relaxation exercise, after the class.

I believe it is true. We are all so much greater than the sum of our parts. And how often we diminish ourselves in our minds, when we succumb to the limited idea that we are just a conglomeration of our thoughts and feelings.

Think about it. You have a feeling. You have a thought. They change. How can you be that feeling or thought?

Yet, somehow, we also should not reject those thoughts and feelings. They are a part of us. We have them and that's okay. But do we need to hold on to them as if they define us?

Or is there something better?

The ABCs of Emotions in Recovery

Do you sometimes have trouble dealing with your emotions?
In recovery, this is one of the biggest challenges.

Whether newly sober or sober for ages, it can be difficult to manage the storm of feelings that seem to threaten to submerse you.

Here are few tips to help you ride out that storm.

Acknowledge that you have a feeling....you are not the feeling.

Then, ask yourself.....

1. What is triggering this feeling? (A) Often it's a situation that has occurred before.
2. What are you thinking about it? (B) Your belief.
3. What are the consequences of your beliefs? (C) Do you feel worse than you want to? Do these thoughts lead to destructive actions?

Remind yourself, that:

1. Your thoughts may not be based on fact. They may be exxagerated or habitual ways of thinking.
2. If you think your thoughts are far-fetched, irrational, or just exaggerated, dispute them, or detach from them.
3. Ask yourself : what do I need here? Validate the need and come up with a healthy way to meet that need (now or in the future).

Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOAs) and Intimacy

Are you:

Afraid of abandonment?
An approval seeker?
Attracted to "weaker" people you feel you must rescue?
A "stuffer" of feelings?
Isolated and lonely?
Frightened by criticism?
Terrified you'll be "found out"?

YOU'RE NOT ALONE.

ACOAs {Adult Children of Alcoholics (or drug addicts)} often have these traits in common. Being raised in an alcoholic or drug affected home causes pain, fear, even rage.

Recovery is possible. Stepping out of isolation and into greater peace and security is possible.

Warm, empathic, knowledgeable therapist/psychologist team trained in addiction field offering individual and group therapy.

Call today. Fees are sliding scale and I am truly committed to working with you.

Anna
631-875-9911